The Loss

Sinking, sinking, sinking body

Heavy, heavy, heavy breath that is more of a sigh

All the air being released all at the end

Staring,

The feeling of seeing nothingness

Even though there is something to see

I don’t see it because it feels so wearisome

I could try,

I could call someone

Or exercise, or dance, or try

Do all the things I like

But I don’t want to because it doesn’t sound like it would make any difference

And I would just be a downer

Nobody needs more of that right now

So I take a labored breath and let it out

Slump my shoulders, as I feel the curve of my belly

And then I remember him

The screen shot of him looking at me, smiling 

Saying, “I am not the entertainment committee for Denise”

And we laugh

Now comes the tears,

Rolling, rolling, escaping my eyes

Allowing my eyes to be blurry

I don’t even wipe them away,

I just let them fall onto my lap

A runny nose finally gets me to move

And I wipe my face, blow my nose, 

And remove the eyelash that has gotten into my eye

People say there will be a gift from all of this grief

Maybe

Another deep breath that wasn’t such a sigh this time.