The Door

That night you said you are afraid to be in a relationship,

But you decided to move forward with me

You said it had been so long

But as you looked up at the sky you took a breath and said, why am I waiting?

I am ready

You told me you are going to fall in love again and live with that person for the rest of your life and grow old together

I see a crack in your door that is opening to me

And each week it opens wider

I pretend that my door is wide open to you

But the truth is 

My door opens wide to you and as soon as you freeze in place after taking a step

I slam the door shut

I am lying to myself if I believe that my door is more open than yours

I am with you, so I don’t see my door is also barely open

I am afraid too

I want you to come though my door when it is open and stay

But maybe it would be too soon, too fast, too much for me.

So maybe you are perfect for me.

And as I sabotage our relationship as I do most weeks

You seem to just stand firm, grounded and rooted into the earth

And you do not move

And you also do not move backwards

I am starting to realize that even though I have only one day a week with you

For me a day a week might be all I can handle too

It creates great longing for you

But without the longing we all know that I would probably run away

Just like I have so many times before

So tonight is our night

And I am sure it will be as magical as the other 8 nights

And you will leave tomorrow with me wanting more of you 

And what if this is just OK for now?