Spain 2014

I remember walking down a narrow windy street in my town in Spain

I was feeling magical wonder of all that I was seeing

The nooks and crannies, the noises and smells

All for me to discover 

I felt relief being away from 

You

I felt free of your critical looks and remarks

I felt alone

But it was ok 

I was where I wanted to be

Away

Away from you

Away for a long time

I didn’t care that my Spanish wasn’t so good

I could get by

And it helped me to feel even more 

Isolated and alone

As if I was watching a movie of my life

Observing myself in it

It was easy there

No cars, or bills or decisions 

When I came to the bottom of my stairs and opened the heavy door

Life was just there, everywhere

People were always out, all the time

At all hours, they were there

I could always be alone, in a crowd

I thought this what I wanted to do

Forever

But I didn’t

I only wanted to do it for awhile

Maybe a year or so

I had no idea

I would want to come home to my together

To you, to us

I didn’t realize I was just really, really mad at you

But that I still loved you just the same as I had for the past 20 years

It has been 5 years now

And although I have made peace with my life 

I haven’t really found my way without you

Without someone like you to love

Is this just how it is going to be now?